As your relationship deepens, the brain reacts to your partner as it would to a loving companion — with feelings of calm, warmth, and security. But there are things we can do to maintain intimacy within our long-term romantic relationships.
The field of relationship research overflows with strategies for relationship enhancement. They include several ideas:. Wesche: Make conscious decisions about entering a relationship and make sure your decisions are consistent with your desires.
Communicate with your partner every step of the way. Paula Byron. Photo by Leslie King for Virginia Tech. For some, it may last for awhile. But the feeling fades over time. Q: Why does that go away over time? Q: How can partners preserve that feeling? But even though chemicals drive both passionate and companionate love, it's clear that choosing to remain with the same person is a choice. Each time the music stops and your feet are back on the ground, you must make a choice: take one more whirl, or cross that bridge to another, more enduring kind of love.
In that realm, attachment, your love is driven not just by a dopamine buzz, but by deciding to appreciate someone in the here and now, day after day. When we speak about "love fading", we're actually talking about passionate love specifically.
But some people think that once the dopaminergic thrill of passionate love is gone, the relationship is over. The relationship can continue — and even thrive — but in order to do so it's important to understand that being with the same person every day will mean that the passionate love fades. But that doesn't mean that there's no reward in that familiarity. Even though settling into companionate love has its benefits as passion fades, that doesn't mean that dopamine is totally off the table.
To keep that spark, create dopamine-driven experiences that you can enjoy together. And, because dopamine is triggered by doing something new, it's important to keep the novelty alive in your relationship. The good news? It doesn't all have to be daredevil stunts though those certainly will do the trick , it can be anything new. When you are each open to learning about your fears and the underlying false beliefs that fuel your fears, your relationship becomes an ever-evolving one that continually brings newness into the relationship.
Keeping your heart open, learning to take responsibility for your own feelings and fears, and supporting each other in healing these fears is what keeps love alive. This openness to learning not only allows couples to help each other heal, but each member also evolves in their ability to see and value themselves and each other. They learn to love themselves and are then able to share their love with each other rather than always trying to have control over getting love and avoiding being controlled.
Aliveness comes from the new learning that continually occurs in loving relationships when each partner is open to learning to take responsibility for healing the fears and false beliefs that lead to controlling behavior. Couples stay madly in love when they continually learn about loving themselves and each other, and unpacking those false beliefs is the first step. Want your passion for wellness to change the world? Become A Functional Nutrition Coach! Enroll today to join our upcoming live office hours.
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Margaret Paul, Ph.
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